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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29878278">seven years late and a dollar short</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/truet/pseuds/truet'>truet</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Civil War Team Iron Man, Don't Like Don't Read, F/M, Hint of Hope/Vision but not enough for tag wranglers to add a new tag, Not Steve Friendly, Not Wanda Friendly, Seriously I Loathe Them Both</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 02:47:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,875</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29878278</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/truet/pseuds/truet</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Thanos took his sweet time?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Pepper Potts/Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>449</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>seven years late and a dollar short</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Moderated for trolls to spare my readers. Don't like, don't read. Or do, and cry about it. Fine with me.</p><p>I'm not watching WandaVision bc I seriously doubt they're addressing my largest concerns: does Wanda ever feel a shred of remorse for fucking with people's minds and causing so much damage to the people and cities of Novi Grad and Johannesburg?  Or is it poor sad Wanda who lost the love of her life that she sent through x floors of concrete?</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Hand me that box wrench, would you, Vis?" Tony said, wishing he'd brought his entire toolbox up the ladder. Maybe he should fit repulsors on his toolbox.</p><p>"Of course, Mr. Stark."  Vision picked up the wrench and floated up majestically twenty feet to hover next to him.</p><p>"Vis, you've known me around eight years now, right?"</p><p>"It's been eight years, four months, three days, ten hours, eight minutes, twenty-two seconds, 422 milliseconds–"</p><p>Tony cut him off with a grin. "Right. So. You think you could start calling me 'Tony' finally?"</p><p>Vision frowned. "I feel 'Tony' does not convey the proper amount of respect."</p><p>Tony bit his lip. "I respect the hell out of you, too, Vis. But nicknames also convey affection, you know? Think about it: how many names do you figure I've accumulated for my Rhodey-bear over the years?"  Tony started working on the stubborn nut holding the broken panel to the wall of the practice room. The Earth's Avengers liked to play hard, that was for sure.</p><p>"Quite a few," Vision said. "For example: Platypus, Sour Patch, Honeybear, Sugar Bear, Sugar Crisp, Sourpuss, Honey Bunches of Oats–"</p><p>Tony held up his hand. "You get my point. And you're my Vis, Tik-Tok, Jenkins, Astro Boy..."</p><p>"Ah, I see. <i>Tony</i>."</p><p>Tony grinned down at the stubborn nut. "Now you're getting it, Data." The nut suddenly spun free, and Tony wobbled, grabbing at the ladder.  Vision's steadied him, one hand at his back. </p><p>"Thanks," Tony said, thinking he should have just used the suit, but it was hard to stabilize without the gauntlets.  He finished removing the nut, and the damaged panel swung free and plummeted to the soft practice floor below.</p><p>"Shall I bring up the replacement?" Vision asked.</p><p>"Yeah, if you don't mind.  The new ones are a lot lighter and sturdier for this bunch of barbarians."</p><p>"Who're you calling a barbarian?"</p><p>Tony looked down and saw Hope saunter in with her Wasp helmet tucked away.</p><p>"A very vixeny barbarian with super smashing powers," Tony said, taking the new panel with a grunt and shifting it a few inches over to align it with the bolt. "Vision, I'm lined up and ready to shove it home."</p><p>"I, too. Hello, Hope."  </p><p>"Hey, Vis," she called.</p><p>Together, Tony and Vision fastened the new panel in place by the top two nuts.</p><p>"Can you get the other two?" Tony said. "I'd like to have a word with Hope."</p><p>"Of course...Tony."</p><p>Tony grinned and made his way down the ladder. "How's it going, Honeybee?"  </p><p>"Oh, no way are you calling me that." Hope smiled with bared teeth, and Tony raised one palm.</p><p>"Sorry. I'm trying to teach Vision something about nicknames and human interaction."</p><p>"You should have led with that," she said, her smile relaxing. "You know I'll do anything for my guy."</p><p>"I do. Which is why I want you to consider letting him take over the West Coast Squad for a couple of months while you train up Sunfire."</p><p>"Seriously?  You want me to go to Tokyo? That's a huge ask." A smile played around her lips.</p><p>"Oh, like I don't know it's your second favorite city. What do you take me for, van Dyne?"</p><p>"Still...I'll be so far away from Vis."</p><p>"Yeah, who can go hypersonic.  Tokyo's, what, five thousand miles from San Francisco?"</p><p>"Five thousand, one hundred and thirty-three, boss," Friday piped in.</p><p>"So, at around 7,310 mph, that's..." Tony looked up. "Forty-two minutes. He could meet you for a lunchtime quickie."</p><p>"You have all the answers, don't you?"</p><p>"If I don't have 'em, Friday can get them for me. Ain't that right, darlin'."</p><p>"You know it."</p><p>"Fine. Six weeks' training for Sunfire in exchange for Vis finally getting a chance to lead a Squad. I like that."</p><p>"So do I." </p><p>They grinned at each other.</p><p>"Boss, there's been a breach!"</p><p>"Talk to me, Fri." Tony tapped his chest and his suit formed around him in stealth black and gold.</p><p>"I think it's better if I show you."  A hologram shot from his helmet cam far enough so Hope could see, too.</p><p>"Holy fuckballs," Tony said.</p><p>Vis flew down to join them. "Is that...?"</p><p>"That's either Steve Rogers or Ted Kaczynski," Hope said. "Look at that beard."</p><p>"Friday, evacuate the hallways," Tony said. "Assemble backup. Vis, why don't you lead him here where he can do the least damage. Bring him to the back entrance."</p><p>"Yes, Mr. Stark."</p><p>Tony sighed. "And please, do not engage with him. Stay insubstantial, please?  I don't want you hurt, buddy."</p><p>"What about you, Tony?" Hope said. "He doesn't look peaceful-minded."</p><p>She was right.  Steve strode down the corridor, his masked face whipping from side to side, seemingly frustrated when people ducked into doorways or fled back down hallways. He tilted his head back and screamed something at the camera.</p><p>"What did he say, Fri."</p><p>"He yelled 'Stark.'"</p><p>"Vis?"</p><p>"On my way, Tony."</p><p>The door opened, letting Bruce in just as Vis phased out. "I heard there was a ruckus," Bruce said mildly.</p><p>Tony grinned. God, he loved his bro. "Sure enough, if you're up for a little rumpus."</p><p>"I find I have some energy to spare."</p><p>"Just don't go green unless it's necessary. Too much paperwork." </p><p>"Too much paperwork," Bruce said at the same moment, and Tony laughed.</p><p>"God, I hate those forms."</p><p>"Tony, should I notify General Rhodes?" Hope said.</p><p>"Better not. He'll have a hissy. And that's so unbecoming in the brass."</p><p>"What about your wife?"</p><p>"Yeah, I'd better." If Pepper found out Steve showed up and Tony hadn't told her, he'd be cleaning out the goat pens for a month. He tapped his wrist. "Pep? You free?"</p><p>"What is it, Tony? I'm about to be on a call with the Prime Minister."</p><p>"Of Canada?"</p><p>"Of Japan."</p><p>"Well, shit. Tell old Yoshihide I said 'Hey,' will you?"</p><p>"I certainly won't."</p><p>"What, he's still sore at me? How can he still be sore?"</p><p>"You touched his hanko, Tony."</p><p>"I didn't! I...nudged it. With my pinky."</p><p>"You don't touch a guy's hanko, Tony! You know that!"</p><p>"Oh, Tony," Bruce said. "You didn't."</p><p>"He so did." Pepper laughed. "Now what is it?"</p><p>"I just wanted you to know my friend Steve Rogers is coming over for a play date and we might mess up the rumpus room. But it's okay because Bruce is here to be playground monitor."</p><p>"Oh, no. Tony..."</p><p>"It's all right, Pepper," Bruce said, leaning over. "I won't let anything happen."</p><p>"That's what he said last time and he ended up having major surgery."</p><p>"Hey! To be fair, those were special circumstances. I now know what a lying dirtbag he is and I promise I will laser him if he crosses the line."  </p><p>"Please, please be careful. You can try all you want to be nonchalant about this, Tony, but you and I both know what he did to you is no joke."</p><p>"Am I laughing? I am not laughing, Pepper." His watch pulsed against his wrist, meaning Friday was trying to catch his attention. "And...it's showtime. I love you. Give Morgan-muffin a kiss from me."</p><p>"I will. She just finished lunch and went down for a nap."</p><p>"I hate being away from her for a minute, let alone a half-day."</p><p>"This is what we agreed on, though."</p><p>"Yup, yup. I'm all in agreement.  Okay, I have to go face the mad bomber. Talk to you soon." Tony tapped his watch and turned to Bruce, who had a goofy smile on his face. "What?"</p><p>"I just never thought I'd see the day when Tony Stark turned into a doting father."</p><p>"Well, you're seeing it, and it's plain embarrassing. I can't leave her for 10 minutes without pulling out my phone to look at pictures. I mean, would you look at this sweetheart?" Tony flicked the latest pictures in the air, a couple of seriously cute photos he'd taken just that morning. Just Morgan doing Morgan things: trying badly to do a somersault, giving a victory sign, and eating a chocolate doughnut her father most certainly hadn't snuck her as a reward.</p><p>"Why is there chocolate in her hair, Tony?"</p><p>"Because like father, like daughter, that's why."</p><p>"Boss, Vision is leading him to the rear entrance. Should I open the door?"</p><p>Tony swiped the images out of the air checked his suit controls. "Go ahead, Friday."</p><p>Steve Rogers stormed into the back of the room. He had a shield on his arm, but it was strange—it looked small and dull.</p><p>"Is that...duct tape on his shield, Friday?"</p><p>"I believe so. Scans show aluminum and also a ceramic made of concrete, sand, and fly ash."</p><p>"So, let me get this straight. Captain America is sporting a shield he made from what looks like a trash can lid he reinforced with bricks and duct tape?"</p><p>"Yes, boss."</p><p>"Stark!" Rogers yelled as he came trotting across the wide floor. This was why Tony had him come to the rear—so they could assess how dangerous his mood was.</p><p>"Goodness. Bruce, his mask looks like he sewed it himself."</p><p>"That doesn't mean he's not dangerous, Tony."</p><p>"Fine, fine." Tony raised his voice. "Keep your distance, Rogers. You're already in violation of at least one order of protection issued by the state supreme court. I know you received it before the King kicked you out of Wakanda."</p><p>Rogers' sneer turned ugly. Wow, that really was a Ted Kaczynski he was sporting, there.</p><p>"And whose fault is that, Tony?  What's your problem, anyway? I never did anything to you that you didn't deserve. You tried to kill us—"</p><p>Tony barked a laugh. "If I wanted you dead, you'd be sliced in half right now, Rogers. Two pieces of steaming meat. Now, what is <i>your</i> problem; why are you here?"  Tony swept his glance around, noting that Hope had made herself tiny to remain in reserve. Bruce lounged on his other side behind Vision. Possibly Steve hadn't even noticed him yet, although Tony wasn't sure.</p><p>"I want you to fix it. We've waited long enough."</p><p>Tony raised his eyebrows. "Waited for what? You're fugitives. If anything, the authorities have been waiting for you to get tired of running and turn yourself in."</p><p>Steve made a broken sound and tore off his mask. "Tony..."</p><p>Bruce coughed a laugh. Steve's hair was long and brown and bedraggled, hanging around his face like spaghetti. Tony guessed the Black Widow's idea of a great disguise was to make Steve look like an emo survivalist.</p><p>"Interesting look there, Captain Tight-ass."</p><p>"Tony, please. You have to fix this. It's been seven years."</p><p>"Almost eight, right, Vis?"</p><p>"Seven years, eight months, nineteen days—"</p><p>"Tony!"</p><p>Tony laughed. "Vis, you're getting funnier every day."</p><p>"Thank you, Tones."</p><p>"Oooh!  Score two for the nickname."</p><p>"Tony, please take this seriously."</p><p>"How can I take you seriously, Rogers? You and your pals are a joke. You made a play against almost every country in the world and claimed you get to decide what's right for everyone, and when they said, 'Nope,' you kicked up a huge fuss and destroyed lives and property to prove how wrong you were. You're a laughingstock. Like, by definition. Wait, what's the definition of laughingstock, anyway?"</p><p>"It fits, Tony," Vision said. "Although they also used to whip people on the irridiculum in Roman times."</p><p>"Well. Consider yourself lucky, then," Tony told Steve, who looked ready to blow a gasket.</p><p>"We've been patient long enough." Steve shifted his mock shield around as if to do something with it, and Tony saw Bruce move nervously out of the corner of his eye. "If you won't bring us back into the Avengers where we belong, we'll—"</p><p>"You mean the Earth's Avengers. Yeah, no. We don't need a bunch of criminals who won't even own up to what they did."</p><p>"But that's why we're here!"</p><p>"Seven years late and a dollar short. Where's the rest of you ?"  Tony acknowledge Friday's urgent pulse on his wrist by having his helmet activate. "What, Friday?"</p><p>"Heat signature, Boss. I used the trick Dr. Strange gave us. I'm detecting a large thermal signature coming through the entrance even though I don't see anything on the monitor."</p><p>"Nice, Fri. Let them through but make sure everyone is on lockdown. Mic hot... So, Rogers. Want to tell me who's trying to sneak in under Friday's radar?  Why don't you just have them show themselves?  They're not fooling anybody."</p><p>Steve shifted his feet. "Wanda's scared you'll try to arrest her."</p><p>"I will.  I'll arrest all of you. You're criminals and fugitives from justice. And we have an extradition agreement with the EU as well as Nigeria, South Africa, and Russia."</p><p>"It's quite plain, Mr. Rogers. It's time to come in, all of you," Vision said. "Aren't you tired of running?"</p><p>"Yeah." Rogers said surprisingly. "I kind of am."</p><p>The doors opened on nothing but shivering air, and Tony shifted in defensive mode.  Vision took to the sky, and Bruce hulked out, making Steve jog toward the door.  </p><p>"Wanda!," he said.  "Cut the camouflage!  I told you: we're here to talk."</p><p>The shiver dissipated into Wanda, Clint, Natasha, Sam, and the ant guy. Tony could never remember his name. They all wore ragged outfits and piecemeal armor.</p><p>"I do not want to talk," Maximoff said, her hands dripping red. "I'm here to kill Stark."</p><p>"And that's why you're still a criminal," Tony said, then dodged her first blast of red lightning. He dodged the second one, watching Vision protect the ex-Avengers, who were scattering in fear. Such dopes. Did they really think they'd brought the Witch here to negotiate?  To fix things?  She'd been born to vengeance and never grown past it. Instead of murdering Tony quickly, in her thirst to make him suffer more and longer, she'd arranged to bring Ultron to life and brought about her brother's death. And then blamed Tony for her own evil mistakes. Novi Grad and Johannesburg were still suffering the consequences.</p><p>"Hey, Wanda," he taunted as he swooped around overhead. "Did you ever tell these fools how you had a chance to kill me quick but instead you put the scepter in my hands with the compulsion to create Ultron?"</p><p>"What?" Clint gasped from where he was hiding behind the Hulk.</p><p>"Yup. She's the one responsible for Pietro's death. For the Hulk hitting Johannesburg."</p><p>Wanda screamed and poured on the energy with both hands, cracking the panels Tony and Vision had just repaired.</p><p>"Damn it." Tony got tired of playing and came to a stop right in front of her. "Enough. Just stop it, Wanda."</p><p>She stared at him, her eyes and hair flaming red, both hands raised with fire swirling from them in a death blow.</p><p>"This will be so sweet, Stark. You will feel every moment of your death like burning, like a thousand deaths combined."</p><p>"Yeah, no. I just needed proof you were trying to murder me. Now there can be no complaining from your few fans who like how powerful you are. You're getting indicted for attempted murder and then extradited for your various other crimes. <i>Now</i>, Fri."  </p><p>Friday engaged the magic dampener all the practice rooms were equipped with, and Maximoff's flames went out like a burnt-out match.</p><p>"No! No!" Maximoff cried and tried to come at Tony. Vision grabbed her from behind and pulled her away. While that was happening, Hope expanded and used her Pym cuffs, snapping them on Romanov and Wilson before they realized what was happening.</p><p>The ant guy cried, "Hope!  You're here!"</p><p>Hope gave him an exasperated look and said, "Shut up, Scott. You're in the shit."</p><p>Hulk wrapped one hand around Clint and held him up to Tony like a prize. "Smash?"</p><p>"Just hang onto him, Big Guy. He's a tricky one."</p><p>"Tony! Be reasonable," Natasha said, working her hands in the cuffs as if she could break out of them. "We came here to negotiate." </p><p>Tony shared a smiling glance with Hope. The cuffs were seamless; with no locks to pick, Romanov wouldn't be getting out of them anytime soon. Also, she'd find if she tried to leave, the Starkanium in them would set off an alarm loud enough to deafen her. Tony's recent collaboration with Pym had been very fruitful. </p><p>Steve looked away from the Natasha and turned to Tony. "I'm tired," Steve said, giving his wrists to be cuffed. "I need a haircut and a shower."</p><p>Tony used the extra reinforced pair. "I hear they offer those in prison. Along with a bed and three square."</p><p>"Good. Just. I don't want to be in charge anymore."</p><p>Tony had a little pity. "Maybe you'll get out in time to help fight the big bad guy Bruce says is coming. We've got that shield built around the world now, but we could always use a little help on the ground."</p><p>"I don't know." Steve looked over at Maximoff lying on the floor crying and kicking her feet at seeing Hope and Vision holding hands. "Maybe I'm not as good at it as I thought."</p><p>"Well. There's always time to learn, I suppose," Tony said, although looking at Wanda, he thought it might be a long, long time.</p>
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